His own Dungeon
by Rufwardo
Summary: The city is wearing him down but something is keeping Fraser in Chicago. Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

His Own Dungeon

Post CotW

Summary: The city is wearing him down but something is keeping Fraser in Chicago. Rated for language.

* * *

Ray watched Fraser, watched him as he tried to sink back into the old routine. The fast pace of the city, Ray's home. 

It was killing him.

It was obvious if you knew what to look for, and Ray knew. He could make a career out of studying this man. It was there in every slow turn of the head, the way he'd shake himself back into a conversation, never more than half listening.

Mostly though, it was in the eyes.

A wiser man than Ray once said they were the windows to the soul. If Fraser's were anything to go by then this soul was decaying, fast.

He supposed he should have known, when on an ice field in the asscrack of the North Fraser had stood, hat and all, grinning like a loon. He'd never be able to go back, not really.

On his more fanciful days Ray compares him to the frozen land he loves so much. All pale, snowy skin and ice blue eyes. Dark hair rising like a mountain in all that snowy pale. Then he'd look closer, see the thaw moving in. The cracks appearing in all that ice and he knew he had to get Fraiser home. Somehow.

He tried suggesting a holiday. Nothing odd about that, just two friends getting away for a while. Didn't even push to go back to the Northwest Areas or whatever. Just Manitoba. Check out Assiniboine Park, look at the monkey's in the Zoo, maybe Fraser'd finally give him a lecture, tell him they weren't technically monkeys, that gibbons were a form of ape. Or not. Too busy he'd said. Inspector Thatcher's replacement was still only settling in and he couldn't possibly leave now.

Bullshit.

Fraser was scared of something, though God alone knew what. Maybe he figured he was going soft, that the city had made him too soft to ever really fit in again up there. Nah, that couldn't be it. The whole Hand of Franklin thing shoulda taken care of any worries like that.

It was definitely something though. Ray knew it. Just could'nt seem to put his finger on quite what. Oh hell, he was a detective right? Maybe he should just do what he always did once he had his suspect: ask.

Yeah, that was it. No more of this dancing round the issue. Time to just get it out there. Try and shake loose some info.

"Hey Frase. What's up with you lately? You bin all quiet. Normally can't shut ya up! What, you run out of Inuit stories?"

Just for a moment Ray thought he saw something behind those dying eyes. Something that looked a helluva lot like hope, mixed with something he couldn't quite read. Something fragile. Then it was gone, leaving only grey blue emptiness.

"Nothing's wrong Ray, I'm fine."

Bullshit.


	2. Chapter 2

Quick addition of the disclaimer I forgot last time.

Not mine, don't get any money for this.

And a big thanks to General Kunama for the beta.

"Ok, that's it Frase. Quit screwin' around and just tell me. Why the hell are you still here?"

It had been almost four months since they came back from the great frozen North and Ray'd had enough of Fraser and his dead eyes, following him round Chicago trying to make out like everything was normal.

"Excuse me?"

Oh, that was just stupid. No way was he getting away with the innocent Mountie act this time, no way. After four months of dead eyes and depressing country music, he was going to try and act as if nothing was wrong? Again. Not happening. This time Ray was going to get a straight answer.

"You heard me! Why'd you come back to Chicago? You coulda gone anywhere, had your pick of hundreds of miles of snow. You picked a big, smelly city? I don't think so. Spill, why you still here?"

He's got that look again, that I'm-not-telling-so-don't-even-try look. Ray has seen that look far too often recently and he is so not in the mood for it now. Not ever again, if he's completely honest with himself, and he's always been that, well except for those last few months with Stella... No, it's about time he got Fraser to spit it out.

"Don't look at me like that Fraser. That just ain't buddies, ya hear me? Come on, talk to me here. Gimme some kinda clue."

He's doing the Eyebrow Rub now, so not a good sign. Any minute now he's gonna... Yup, there it is the tongue flick. He's seriously rattled. About damn time too! Maybe I might get some details finally.

"Really Ray, I have no idea what you're talking about. I came back to Chicago because I have friends here."

Huh, yeah right. That's it. Like Ray's gonna believe that. Time to jump back in and take this conversation back where it should be.

"Nuh uh. Don't even try that one. You got friends up in the big Freezerland too."

He's doing the Eyebrow Rub again, he's cracking. Just gotta wait it out now. Fraser's not the only one that can do silence after all. I'll just sit here on my nice comfy couch and wait for him to spill. Shouldn't take too long. Yup, there's the tongue and he's got his hat in his hands now. Just a little longer. Oh come on, the hat's not that interesting! Get on with it already. Jeeze! How hard can it be?

"Alright fine! You want the truth!"

See, Ray knew it'd just be a matter of time till Fraser cracked. Didn't realize how much time, but that's neither here nor there. Wow, he's pacing and everything. That's normally Ray's thing. Fraser's supposed to be the strong silent one. Although given that's what the problem is, maybe the pacing's a good sign?

"Yeah, the truth would be nice round about now."

Fraser looked kinda angry now, which wasn't something that sat well on him. Again, that was more Ray than Fraser. In fact, his whole attitude tonight was completely off.

"Fine! Truth is I don't know where the hell I want to be!"

Well that was a bit of a shock. Ray didn't think he'd ever really heard Fraser that angry, or swear for that matter. Even as he thought it though, Ray could see Fraser's anger collapsing under the weight of something else.

"I'm just so tired. Tired of not fitting in, of being the outsider. I had this picture in my head, of home. At least, what I wanted home to be. Our adventure just reminded me that it was nothing like what I'd pictured. I just don't fit."

Oh. Oh hell. Ray hadn't even seen that one coming. What could he say to that?

"Hey, Frase, buddy. You fit here. Really. I mean ok, the licking things, the sniffing, and the long words can get slightly weird, but I wouldn't change it for anything. No, seriously! Oh, don't look at me like that! You know what I mean."

And that was it. That was the truth of it. Fraser always seemed to know what Ray meant, even if he wasn't so good at all that wordy stuff. Fraser just seemed to get him. Nothing more needed saying 'cause they had this partners thing going and it didn't need words. It just was.


End file.
